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Discerning Your Inner Yes from Your Inner No

Do you know the difference between your inner ‘yes’ and inner ‘no’?

Our entire life experience stems from listening to our Inner Guidance.

Developing the ability to listen to the still, quiet voice within, is a key component of living in harmony and alignment with our heart’s deepest truth.

Being heard and seen for giving voice to our authentic feelings should be encouraged and honoured.

Yet far too many have experienced being silenced for giving voice to what we truly feel.

If we experienced explosive reactions of judgment, anger, or shaming at an early age, and whilst expressing our most vulnerable feelings – then it’s highly likely we learned to dissociate from our what we really feel at all.


Safety Mechanisms

In order to attempt to keep our most vulnerable self safe, we may have learned to withdraw into solitude as a way to dismiss our feelings entirely.

Or we may have learned to be pleasing, sweet, nice, and good – to never make a peep.

Alternatively, we may have developed a different kind of deflective mask, by learning to be overly loud, entertaining, and talkative – as a way to disconnect from our pain.

If we were not modelled healthy ways to honour our most vulnerable feelings. If we were shown instead, only how to stifle, suppress and dismiss our deeper emotions – then we may have also taken on the belief, “It is not safe for me to express what I truly feel, or be who I really am.”

We may then find ourselves feeling quite confused about who we are and what we feel. And we probably failed to develop a strong sense of Self.

This ensuing sense of inner disconnect can then go on to affect our capacity to develop unwavering Self Trust, in later life.

This is no ones fault. It’s a generational by product of wartimes, when humans had little choice, but to disconnect from the heart’s deeper feelings, and sensitivity.

This inner disconnect from our Soul Truth, then perpetuates down the family line in the form of ancestral miasms. (Inherited energetic patterns, memories and blockages).

When this is the case we may have found ourselves being entrained as children, to dismiss our own feelings entirely.

In order to survive, we may have instead learned to focus our attention on attempting to heal, pacify and tend to, the more serious psychological wounds, suffered by other family members.

When this occurs, we develop a default setting in which we become highly attuned to sensing others needs and feelings, whilst simultaneously suppressing, or dismissing our own, as unimportant.

The gift we receive in choosing such an experience for our soul is that we become incredibly gifted at attuning to others emotions, on an almost subtle, telepathic, level.

However, it becomes a block (rather than a gift) when we do this at the expense of completely negating our own deeper feelings and needs.

In such situations, and instead of developing unwavering trust in our intuition (Inner Tutor) to guide us – we instead learn to defer to outside sources and authority figures, for our sense of direction, validation, and an affirmation of our self worth.

We may then find ourselves magnetically attracting controlling, interpersonal relationships in our outer world – in order to perpetuate a familiar feeling of disconnect, from our inner guidance system.

All this can offers us a blessing, although it can first appear as a curse!

A curse in that it’s a pattern which will continue to repeat.

And a blessing in that only through the repetition of our patterns, can we bring awareness to changing them on deeper and deeper levels – until we finally break our patterns of the past, completely – and learn to choose another way.

So if we did not develop a strong sense of self trust during childhood, all is not lost.

Because opportunities to attune to our inner guidance, are presented daily.

And all we need, is a little willingness to make the change.


Trust & Honour

Healing happens as we learn to honour our innermost voice.

We do this by giving ourselves full permission to open, express, and listen deeply. To what we’re really feeling, in any given moment.

Then, whatever’s felt, we can learn to unconditionally welcome and allow it to be present. And we can do so, without judging, suppressing, negating, glossing over – or trying to stuff any awkward feelings back down.

We may have been told it was not okay to express our authentic feelings.

Perhaps we even developed a belief it’s dangerous to feel too deeply.

Yet our feelings exist as helping guardians and powerful messengers.

When we welcome whatever arises, without judgment or suppression. When we listen to our deeper feelings. They will show us the way.

We can begin right now, by placing our hand on the heart and simply telling our Inner Being, from now on, we’re going to choose to give ourself full permission, to allow uncensored expression – around whatever we feel.

Inviting ourself to feel the vulnerability of getting re-aquainted with what feels aligned, real and true for us, and what does not. Is one of the most powerful commitments we can make – it’s a commitment to getting in touch with our Soul.

By making this commitment to honour the voice of our innermost guidance system, we’re then able to re-learn what an inner yes feels like, as opposed to an inner no. We learn to trust and follow – by developing a direct connection to our internal Source.

This encourages the development of a healthy sense of Self Trust and confidence.

As we root into the ability to honour our feelings, we can then learn to develop healthy boundaries in our relationships.

A powerful way to begin getting in touch with our authentic feelings is to try ‘uncensored journalling.’

Allow everything to come up, completely uncensored – anger, swearing, scribbling. Peeling back the layers int his way is necessary for us to begin getting in touch with our deeper, underlying truth.


Healthy Boundaries

By getting in touch with what we really feel, and honouring those feelings – we learn to be authentic. We learn to own our truth and set healthy boundaries, without the need for emotional over-reaction or defence.

Healthy boundaries are first and foremost about learning to honour ourself, by getting in touch with ourself and how we feel.

When we learn to be clear about what feels ok and true for us, and what does not. When we are no longer afraid to express our feelings. We naturally begin to assert a clear boundary self respect around us.

Once clear with ourself about what feels ok and what does not. Others will begin to feel our inner integrity, and will be more likely to reflect and honour what we feel inside back to us.

And if they do not honour us – we’re less likely to hang around or attract them.

By becoming super attuned to what feels good to us, and what feels ‘off’. By learning to listen deeper. We can learn to practice being authentic, without harbouring fears of attack and defence.

Through practices such as meditation, we can learn to still the thinking mind.

In this calm state, we can then begin to feel what feels in alignment for us, on a much deeper level.

A peaceful mind and heart, free from judgment and turbulent emotions (because we are not really listening to ourself) will also allow us to awaken to our extra sensory perceptions.

When our inner guidance becomes finely-tuned, we begin to sense, receive and hear at the most subtle levels.


The Courage of a Lioness

So what do you really feel inside your heart?

And is what you feel – felt to be true for you?

It takes great courage to welcome our most uncomfortable feelings, and still remain fully present, without any attempt to explain our experience, run away, distract ourselves – or stuff those raw feelings back down.

Yet with practice, it can become easier.


The School of Hard Knocks

Sometimes we may appear to choose ‘wrongly’, in a rather big way.

But this is only in order to learn what happens, when we’re not fully listening to our heart’s deeper knowing.

This really is a blessing in disguise, set up by our soul to help us fine-tune our inner-compass.

Don’t be harsh on yourself if things don’t always go smoothly.

Just try again and stay curious.

Life is about learning and growing – not perfection.


Feeling Your Yes

Continue to put this question out front, ‘What does my inner yes feel like, as opposed to my inner no?’

Energetically, an inner ‘yes’ for myself, feels like being caressed by soft and downy feathers.

It contains a background note of peaceful well-being, and ‘rightness’.

In my heart it feel like a sensation that is fresh, new, tickly, sparkly, and bright.

Sometimes an inner yes will ask us to step up into something we’ve never experienced before, or don’t know how to handle.

This might trigger anxiety or unworthiness fears. But deep down, an underlying support for your soul’s learning and expansion, should still be felt.

Despite any doubt thoughts, that yes will still emit the feeling of an exciting, bright and open doorway.

It will rise up inside, like an invitation to dance in a feeling of curiosity and playfulness.

An inner yes, may be accompanied by the feeling of a whoosh or giddy swirl of energy.

When a ‘yes’ direction is truly given and acted upon, it often feels delicious, magnetic, smooth, effortless, and easy.

Like gliding down a gentle, flowing stream, as if steered by pure Grace.

On a subtle psychic level, a deeper ‘yes’ will leave your heart feeling like it’s tasted smooth, gold, trickling honey!

It will just feel so good to you; sweet, nourishing, bold and light!

‘When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.’ ~ Rumi

All That Glitters Is Not Gold

Trying to move in the direction of an inner ‘no’, on the other hand, often feels ‘jarring’.

An inner no tends to trigger the mind into replaying repeating loops of over-analysis, mental confusion, stress, anxiety and uncertainty.

A strong no, may even begin to feel like insanity, if you continue to persist in walking towards it, against your souls greater knowing.

A ‘no’ often contracts the corners of the mouth, brings tension to the brow of the face, and tightens the muscles of the body.

It will not feel fully supportive, or strengthening (even if it appears in form, to look appealing, glittering, or tempting, in some way).

There is always an underlying feeling or weakness, lifelessness, and flatness to the note of an inner ‘no’.

It can frequently feels a little shaky. It often feels ‘off’, without really knowing why.

Even if we can’t put our finger on where that unstable feeling comes from, it often leaves us with a sense of unsettling unease, inner conflict, and confusion.

An inner compass ‘no’ can feel like swimming up against the current of a strong river.

It is tiring, hard work – a mentally and emotionally exhausting direction to move in.

Continuing to walk in the direction of an inner ‘no’, can feel like entering into a forest of sticky cobwebs, or confusing, grey mist.


Discerning Your Inner Yes from Your Inner No

One of the top signs we’re repeatedly facing the direction of an inner ‘no’ – is that we’re likely to experience many inner child tantrums of tiredness, confusion, tears, anger, and irritation.

All these are our our cue’s to let go of one of the following:

  • Either a certain direction we where heading in
  • Or a certain mode of thinking – a belief we carry – which is not supported by our Soul.

Instead, we must trust there’s another direction we’re invited to walk in.

Or perhaps it is simply about choosing another thought – a new perspective – and applying this to the subject in question.

Choosing a new thought, that is more pleasing for us, often resolves our uncertainty.

But if you are still not sure on your direction – try both, and see how they feel.


The Path of Joy is a Path of Least Resistance

Remember too, that receiving an inner ‘no’ – only means there’s something more joyous and aligned for us, that we can not yet see.

Whether that is a different mode of thinking – or a different pathway entirely – comes down to our inner discernment.

One way is to just try to think about your situation in a more positive light. And if it still feels ‘off’ to you – trust that feeling, without needing to understand why.

No matter how much your inner child wants to go off and explore that hidden cliff edge, trust your soul can see the drop on the other side, and the jagged rocks below it.

It is always in your best interests to tune in, listen, and act upon those inner ‘no’, red flag, warning signals.

Then, once you change direction, you will discover a brand new ‘yes’ path.

Very often, a new path really does just mean being willing to try looking at your situation from a new perspective.

But sometimes, it also means choosing to embark upon an entirely different route in form.


Top Signals to Go For It with an Inner Yes!

When you’re moving in the right direction, you will see repeating signs of synchronicity.

There will be a background sense of sharper clarity, and most notably a feeling inner music and joy playing inside your heart!

You see, our inner yes and inner no are both like musical soundtracks.

One melody makes for easy-listening – it’s uplifting, exciting, light and playful.

The other can feel somewhat off key, out of tune, and frequently melancholic.



The Hot & Cold Game

When I was a child we would play a game called ‘The Hot and Cold Game’.

One player would hide an object.

Then the other player would have to find the object, by listening to the instructions of ‘warmer or colder’.

The closer we got to finding the hidden prize, the ‘warmer’ the descriptions the player would shout such as…

“Hot! Red hot! Boiling close! Sizzling fire!”

The further we moved from our prize target, the cooler the words used and spoken such as,

“Cool. Icy. Frozen cold!”

Your soul is playing this same game with you, every moment of the day.

When you are really tuned in, on target, and aligned – you will feel the joy, celebration, and warmth, of being in tune with your inner-instruction and guidance.

You will feel increased feelings of relaxation, peace, inspiration and energy.

When you move out of alignment with your inner yes, or veer off course in someway – your Soul will grant you increasingly uncomfortable feelings.

This is to let you know, you’re starting to stray in your thinking and life path.

Ultimately, follow your joy, and your heart will feel warmer.

Joy will lead you to your destiny, and destiny is a moment by moment experience.

And remember too – as my Yogi Tea label recently stated:

“Where there is Love, there is no question.”


Leave a comment below and share – how do you discern a subtle inner ‘yes’, from a subtle inner ‘no’? What works for you? If you enjoyed this post please like and share the love below.






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samantha winstanleyAbout Sam…

Sam is a designer, illustrator and artist, who assists clients in the holistic, helping and healing professions to visually birth their dream brand and website – so they can attract, reach + serve more people. Sam produces high vibrational designs that reflect her client’s unique essence, heart light, and most authentic soul vision. She also creates soul art, infused with healing energy. If you’d like to learn more about how you can book a design consultation with Sam, hire her for branding or website design work, enquire about a personalised art commission – or simply feel to connect and say hello …please get in touch at her website: or click here, to join her Love Note’s mailing list:

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